A while back some friends and I got together for a movie night. After MUCH deliberation over what movie to watch (we’ve all been there, haven’t we?), we got so close to choosing a movie everyone agreed on…until one friend objected because it included some content that was disturbing to his conscience.
I remember getting so internally frustrated with him because, whatever the context was, I didn’t think it was a big deal. Then the Holy Spirit challenged me with this thought: you need to fight for him to follow his convictions, not get frustrated with him.” Yes, I was instantly convicted.
Having been on both sides of the “person with sensitive conscience/annoyed by person with sensitive conscience” issue, I want to share with you some biblical insight that’s helped me wrestle through the questions I think we’re all asking about how Christians should process personal conviction in the “gray areas” of life and conduct.
Should Christians…?
We all have a “should Christians list” that we wonder about, don’t we?
Should Christians listen to “secular music?” Should Christians play video games? Should Christians watch (insert movie/TV show)? Should Christians read (insert book/magazine)? Should Christians have tattoos? Should Christians drink alcohol moderately? What dating guidelines should Christians have? How should Christians dress? How should Christians vote?
They’re valid questions. How do we as Christians, who desire to live holy lives and represent Jesus well, discover what God wants us to do in those areas that don’t seem so clear? And, how do we interact with other Christians who feel differently about those things than we do?
What is a Gray Area?
Now, before you tell me gray areas don’t exist, let me respectfully insist that they do. I once heard a preacher say in the same breath that Christians can’t rightfully say there are gray areas on some subjects and yet, there are some things that don’t have a straightforward commandment in the Bible. Please tell me you see the contradiction in that statement! The fact that the Bible doesn’t give a clear command on the issue is what makes it a gray area.
Gray areas are not subjects where God has simply forgotten to give us insight and direction. They are subjective areas where God leaves room for difference of opinion and conscience amongst believers and invites us into personal conversation with Him to determine how best to follow Him in those areas in our lives.
It’s okay that you feel comfortable rocking out to Taylor Swift in the car and your friend is only comfortable listening to worship music. Neither of you is right or wrong. You are simply following what God is leading you to do in that area.
How to Identify Gray Areas
So, how do we determine whether something is a black-and-white, non-negotiable issue in Scripture that requires our obedience or if it is gray-area issue that leaves room varying opinion and application?
Here’s a rule of thumb: If it has an explicit command in Scripture, God expects all of His kids to obey it. If it doesn’t have an explicit command it in Scripture, it falls into the “gray area” and you treat it like a personal conviction issue.
When I use the term personal conviction, I mean that God has spoken personally to you to know what standard of conduct to hold in a certain area of life that isn’t explicitly addressed in the Bible.
For instance:
- Should Christians lie?
So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. (Ephesians 4:26)
Black-and-white: There’s a direct command in Scripture for that, so you would obey God’s biblical direction, and it’s okay to humbly encourage your fellow believers to accountability to this standard as well.
- Should Christians play video games?
Gray: There’s no direct command in Scripture for this one, so it falls into the gray area. Treat it like a personal conviction issue and give people room to have different conclusions than you do.
Making Personal Convictions Practical
Despite the absence of direct commands on some topics, there are guidelines in Scripture that will help you and me to hold to the convictions God has given to us individually, and at the same time, honor others whose convictions are different than ours.
We talked about the gray area questions of our day. For the early Church it was, “should Christians eat food offered to idols?” The questions may be different, but we can learn how to handle our questions with the wisdom God gave them in Scripture through the Apostle Paul in Romans 14, 1 Corinthians 8 and 1 Corinthians 10. (I strongly suggest you read those chapters in full on your own time for context.)
1. Follow the convictions God has given you personally.
This is how to determine what is acceptable for you: evaluate it through the Word of God and prayer. (1 Timothy 4:4-5) First, go to the Bible and determine whether God has a direct command in Scripture for His people to follow in that area. You may know the answer to this already or you may have to search it out in God’s Word.
If He doesn’t have a direct command, pray and ask God how He would like you personally to handle that issue in your life. As He guides you, obey what He is telling you to do. The Bible teaches that we are sinning when we don’t follow the individual convictions God impresses on our hearts. (Romans 14:22-23)
How to determine personal conviction on gray areas: evaluate it through the Word of God and prayer.Click To Tweet2. Respect the convictions of others, even if they are different than yours.
Whether their convictions are more or less strict than your own, respect the convictions God has given others. Don’t condemn them for their choices and don’t try to get them to change so their behavior matches yours. (I’ve done that before 😬 ) Don’t allow yourself to be condemned or pressured by others because they think your conviction should match theirs. (done that too 🤦🏽♀️ )
Respectfully hold fast to whatever freedom or boundaries God has given you and bless others as they do the same for their lives. (Romans 14:1-4)
Whether more or less strict than your own, respect the personal convictions God has given others.Click To Tweet3. Honor the conscience of others when you are with them.
If you feel freedom to do something, but your brother or sister does not or their conscience is bothered by it, defer to them and don’t do that thing while you’re with them.
But you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble. (1 Corinthians 8:9)
For instance, I love all different types of music but some of my friends feel convicted to only listen to Christian music. So, I personally am not going to stop listening to mainstream music because that’s not the conviction God has given me (1 Corinthians 10:25-30), but when I am with those friends I defer to them and honor their convictions by either not playing mainstream music around them or at least asking them if they’d be okay with it first.
If you’re out for dinner with friends and you feel freedom to moderately consume alcohol, but your brother or sister doesn’t, you don’t have to stop having a responsible drink here and there, but when you’re with them, don’t go for the beer at dinner out of respect for their conscience. Or, again, you could also ask first if they’d be okay with you having a drink around them before making your decision.
You want to fight to encourage your brothers and sisters to follow the convictions God has given them even if they are different from your own, not cause them to stumble. The Bible calls us to be mindful of how our actions impact others. (Romans 14:14-20)
Room For Changing Boundaries
One last thing. On gray area issues, your conviction from God may not stay the same throughout your entire life and that’s okay. It’s not okay to budge on the direct Scriptural commands of God, but just because your conscience and practice changes in a subjective area, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re falling away from God, compromising spiritual maturity or even becoming legalistic.
There was a time when I listened to mainstream music, and then for a few years I only listened to Christian music, and now I listen to both again. There was a time when I didn’t feel comfortable having a drink responsibly every now and again and now I do. (*Note: Since I work in ministry, I’ll always honor any conduct standards my organization holds for their staff about alcohol, but you get my point. It’s the principle I’m getting at. 😉 )
You might even grow to feel uncomfortable with something you used to feel comfortable with before. That’s okay too. As long as you’re making those choices rooted in the Word, in conversation with God as He guides you by His Spirit and with an attitude of honor towards others, you’re all good.
Let’s Talk: What are some convictions God has given you on gray areas? How do you follow them while honoring others who may hold a different conviction? How did this post help clarify this tension for you? Discuss this post in the comments below.
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This was super helpful and practical! I’m currently in a relationship with an awesome godly woman! We decided together this past month to take a pause on our relationship! One of the things I have noticed in this pause is that we differ on the opinion of a particular book/movie. I really want her to watch it/read it but she feels strongly convicted by it. however she’s ok that I like it. I grew up in a family that really enjoyed these books and movies and quotes it a lot! I feel conflicted on how to proceed forward in this. How do I apply Romans 14 in this situation? Or is the practical thing to do is to step away because I’m finding I’m having to tip-toe around this issue.
Edward! Can you update us on this relationship? I’m commenting a year later 🙂
You found an amazing Godly woman don’t set away bc you differ on reading material. We are all imperfect you gotta find your favorite and make it work. Marriage has all of these issues on the daily, but finding a gem is rare.
Hi! I really liked your article. Especially the end where you talk about convictions changing throughout life. I don’t know if you’re still replying to people here, but I recently think I’ve had conviction about celebrating holidays like Christmas and Halloween. I’ve celebrated these things my whole life and do enjoy decorating a tree, but I’ve noticed alot of Christians I’ve seen online do not own trees and think it’s a sin. This has been hard for me to deal with because on one hand I feel like I agree with them, but on the other hand I think Christmas is a beautiful and warm time and I love watching the movies and decorating with my mom. I’ve been praying to God to give me convictions about the things that I should get rid of in my life and I’m kind of afraid that this is one of them. What are your views on holidays?
Hey Mattie! Glad you enjoyed the article! Good job seeking God to speak to you about the convictions He wants you to have. I’ll be praying that He makes it super clear. I actually have a couple blogs about Halloween and Christmas talking about the exact questions you asked, so I’ll link those below. I hope they help.
https://jasminpatterson.com/should-christians-celebrate-halloween/
https://jasminpatterson.com/is-it-wrong-for-christians-to-celebrate-secular-christmas-traditions/
A quick answer for you here:
I look at this way: If it’s a sin to do something then the Bible will say it is. 🙂 God is really good at giving us the guidelines we need in His Word. Everything else is a personal conscience issue each person gets to seek God about for their lives. I personally love all the holidays–especially Christmas! haha
What trips Christians up on Halloween is its occult/pagan origins, and it should. Christians are forbidden from participating in anything occult/witchcraft related; it’s sinful and dangerous because the evil spiritual realm is real. But we often fail to make a distinction between participating in occult practice and how commercialized Halloween is generally practiced today. Having a seance is very different from playing dress up and eating candy. The question of HOW you are participating in it is what makes the difference.
Along those same lines with Christmas: Many Christians think a lot Christmas traditions are pagan in their roots, which is actually not the case. And they tend to think secular traditions are distracting from the true meaning of Christmas, but those things only distract our hearts from Jesus if we let them.
Feel free to comment again if you wanna chat about this more!
Thank you so much for your reply! And thank you for linking those articles. I do think I will continue to celebrate Christmas with my friends and family but also make sure to spend time with God during the Holiday. As for Halloween I think I will continue that as well but refrain from watching horror specific things. (I was an avid horror fan for years until recent) Thank you again, and God bless! 🙏🏾
Happy to help! Take care, Mattie!
Thank you so much for this! It has been extremely helpful. I do wonder about masturbation, then. As per your suggestion, this is a grey area. There is no explicit command in scripture against it. Now, I lean toward not doing it because I am still doubtful, but as I’m helping others and having these discussions, I have a hard time pinpointing to why. Can you help.
Hey Laura! Thanks for reading! I’m glad it helped you 🙂 First off, props to you for really wanting to take time to understand what God would say about this, especially since this is a challenging topic. I can tell you really have a heart to please God in everything you do! Masturbation can be a tricky conversation. I’ve discussed this with friends a bunch too. My opinion is that masturbation is sinful. For a few reasons.
– In Scripture, sex that God approves of is always fulfilled within a marriage relationship between a husband and wife-each spouse fulfilling the other’s sexual needs as they come together sexually. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5 and elsewhere) So in my opinion based on what I see in Scripture, any sexual activity that is not fulfilled inside of marriage between a man and woman and by that person’s own spouse would fall into the category of sin.
– I also note the fact that the word the New Testament uses to refer to “sexual sin or sexual immorality” in the Greek is “porneia“, which refers to various types of sexual sin. Most of which are listed as part of the meaning of the word when you look it up in the original language. I haven’t seen masturbation listed specifically in the definition of that word in the online dictionary/concordances I’ve used, although they qualify that with “etc.” at the end of the list of examples they give of sexual sin that “porneia” includes. So I think it’s worth considering that God/the biblical authors didn’t just have one type of sexual activity in mind when speaking of sexual immorality in Scripture, at least in those passages where sexual sin is addressed in general terms.
– And lastly, I think about the issue of lusting after someone sexually, like Jesus talks about in Matthew 5:27-30. If sexual lust is sinful (distinct from sexual desire in general, which is good and God-given), that makes me think: how could masturbation not also be sinful if, in order to engage in masturbation, one has to stir up sexual lust or sexual desire that can’t be fulfilled in a marriage relationship like God has designed? Does that make sense?
So yeah, I’m not saying I have full understanding of this but I lean toward it being sinful. The Moral Revolution also has some resources on this topic and many others related to dating and sexuality, if you want to check them out.
Did that help?
Wow, this an impressive response! Great job!
Glad you were encouraged by it, Cary. 🙂
Loved the article, Jasmin! I totally agree with you on following your own convictions in grey areas while making room for other people to follow their convictions as well. I think the problem I run into most, though, is deciding when an issue is grey and when it’s black-and-white. I, like you, see alcohol as a grey area (though I don’t drink myself), but I have friends who think it’s objectively sinful to have even a sip of alcohol. I feel pretty strongly about gender equality issues and see them as black-and-white issues, but I have Christian friends who aren’t convicted in that particular area. How do we know for sure if something is a grey area?
Thanks, Devon! I totally get that. My standard-which isn’t foolproof but it’s helpful-is the one I mentioned in the article. If there’s a direct command in Scripture, then I consider it black and white and if there’s not, I consider it gray and I try pray and to use whatever wisdom or principles Scripture gives to help guide my personal decision on how to handle it. Can you elaborate on what you mean by gender equality issues? Maybe I can offer some perspective if I understand your position better. I’m interested to hear more.
The alcohol one is tricky. I’ve had that conversation a bunch. People assume that because the Bible says drunkenness is a sin that it is also a sin to drink at all but Scripture doesn’t say that. It warns against the abuses of alcohol but never issues a universal command to abstain from it completely and even considers it a good gift from God in some verses. If your friend feels convicted let them abstain and if you feel freedom, have a drink. As long as neither of you get drunk which the Bible condemns, you’re okay. 😉
I think the problem comes down to interpretation. Based on my understanding of the Bible, gender equality issues (equal pay, protection from discrimination, etc.) are moral issues, and not standing up for them is wrong. But I have friends who don’t necessarily feel convicted about these issues. And I have friends who interpret the Bible in such a way that they see any alcohol consumption as sinful. They cannot be convinced that this is a grey area because they think the Bible condemns it outright. I don’t read the Bible that way, and I think that the interpretive gymnastics you have to do to get to that sort of reading of the Bible is unfair to the text, but that’s the way they feel. Interpretation is really hard, and I think our convictions ultimately play a part in each individual’s basic reading of what the Bible says.
Yeah, I agree that we tend to read the text through the lens of our own convictions and biases. It takes effort and practice to learn how not to do that when reading the Bible. In terms of the situation you described, I think we might just need to learn how to agree to disagree and respect each other. It’s not our job to convince other people to see the gray and the black and white distinction exactly the way we see it. If your friend ultimately believes any alcohol consumption is sinful and can’t be convinced otherwise, sometimes it might just be best to respectfully disagree, let them hold their position and you hold yours. Maybe God will change their mind, maybe He won’t. There’s nuance to this and I think sometimes we just have to agree to disagree, as long as it’s not some major doctrinal truth, you know? We’re each responsible for searching out the truth in Scripture for ourselves and then making sure we at least follow what God is calling us to in subjective areas, even if others don’t have the same perspective we do.