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“Christianity is about having a personal relationship with Jesus.” Have you ever heard someone say that before? And it’s true. Christianity is a faith that’s based on knowing Jesus personally, and that’s possible because of His death on the cross to save us from our sins and His resurrection.

But sometimes people who are curious about Christianity or even people who are already Christians unintentionally draw wrong conclusions about what the phrase “personal relationship” means. Here are two misconceptions I’ve come across a lot, and how the Bible speaks to them. I hope this helps you build a thriving relationship with Jesus.

1. “Personal” doesn’t mean isolated.

Christianity is about having a personal relationship with Jesus not an isolated one. “Personal” means that each of us has to decide to follow Jesus individually. Each of us has to choose to turn from our sin, place our faith in Jesus, and receive His free gift of salvation for ourselves. “Personal” means that once we actually have placed our faith in Jesus, we have the privilege of getting to know Him closely, deeply, personally relationally in friendship, but that personal relationship with Jesus is lived out in community.

Acts 2:37-47 records how the early Christians formed community right after the resurrection of Jesus as the Church was just being born, and these practices are supposed to continue in the lives of Christians today. Following their example, believers are supposed to live life together and gather regularly for fellowship, encouragement, studying scripture, prayer, worship, caring for one another’s needs, having accountability, and the spiritual oversight of leaders in our lives. In Hebrews 10:24-25, the Bible commands Christians not to neglect or forsake gathering together for fellowship and community.

So, follow Jesus personally, but do it in community with others who are doing the same.

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT)

2. “Personal” doesn’t mean you get to make the rules.

A lot of well-intentioned people misunderstand this concept. Having a personal relationship with Jesus doesn’t mean you get to make the rules. It doesn’t mean you and I get to determine the standards, boundaries, and guidelines for what the Christian life is supposed to look like. But that’s actually good news, because God’s ways are so much wiser and more life-giving than our own.

I once heard a media personality who claimed to be a Christian imply that she was living with her boyfriend and was sexually active even though they weren’t married, but that God told her it was okay for her because, in her words, “that’s my personal relationship with God.” But God couldn’t have said that to her, because God would never speak something to someone or give someone permission to do something that contradicts the teaching of Scripture, which is His Word.

I believe her desire to know God was sincere, and I pray He’ll lead her into a true understanding of what it means to follow Jesus and a true faith in Him, if He hasn’t done so already.

You might hear someone professing to be a Christian say similar things, like this: “I can do whatever I want because that’s my personal relationship with Jesus.” “Jesus is okay with me doing this thing the Bible says is sinful because that’s my personal relationship with Jesus.” “Jesus is okay with me believing this thing the Bible says isn’t true, because that’s just my personal relationship with Jesus.” But the reality is, it’s not okay.

Being a Christian means surrendering your life to the Lordship, or leadership, of Jesus (Luke 9:23; John 14:15-26). Being His disciple means following Him, learning from His teachings and example, and obeying His commandments, not following our preferences or what culture says is acceptable.

The Bible teaches us that if a person truly knows and loves Jesus, he or she will obey His commands. If someone claims to be a Christian but unrepentantly persists over time in a habit of sinning or not agreeing with what Jesus says is the truth, that person is most likely not truly a follower of Jesus (1 John 1:8-10; 2:1–6; 5:1-3).

“Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)

Now, don’t panic. I’m not saying you must instantaneously become perfect the moment you put your faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord (that’s not even possible) or else your faith isn’t genuine. And being a Christian certainly doesn’t mean you’ll never sin ever again. That’s definitely not the case for you or me or any other follower of Jesus.

But for those who have truly trusted in Jesus to save us from our sins and have committed our lives to Him, the Holy Spirit will be at work in our lives. The Holy Spirit will give us desires to do what pleases Jesus and transform our lives little by little over time (Galatians 5:16-25). And if our faith is genuine, we will cooperate with His work in us. Our desires, attitudes, and actions will begin to align more and more with the teaching of the Bible and the character of Jesus throughout our lives as we mature spiritually (Colossians 2:6-8; 2 Timothy 3:15-17). I explain this idea more in my blog Are Christians Hypocrites?

When we surrender to the truth of God’s Word, the Bible, it frees us from walking in bondage to sin, deception, and selfish living so we can walk in the abundant life of truly knowing Jesus, and living for Him, and pursuing righteousness. And that sort of life is not only pleasing to God, it brings you joy, purpose, and fulfillment in life that flirting with sin and wrong ideologies and making your own rules could never offer.

Do you want a personal relationship with Jesus?

If you want to learn more about how to be forgiven for your sins and have a genuine relationship with Jesus, check out these blogs:

What Does It Mean to Be a Christian?

What Happens When You Put Your Faith in Jesus?

Let’s Talk: Did this clarify anything for you about what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus or give you language to explain it to others? Discuss this post in the comments below.