Myths Christians Believe About Dating and Relationships (Part 1)

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Let’s cut to the chase. This isn’t a relationships advice piece. There are plenty of other Christians with online ministries and more importantly in your real life who could do a better job of that. 🙂 I’m not in a relationship–you may not be either–but what you and I can speak into and consider, regardless of relationship status, is the objectivity of Scripture.

God’s Word should shape our views on relationships and on every topic even before we experience them personally just as much as it should during our experience. As with anything talked about in this blog post or in any other faith conversation in your life, search it out in Scripture, take it to prayer, and walk it out with spiritually mature peers and mentors in your real life.

Myth #1: Singleness is a curse to be escaped.

In Genesis 2, when God is setting out His design for the world, He declares that it’s not good for man to be alone. This statement is in part about marriage, but more than that it’s a statement about all human relationships. The Hebrew word for “man” in Genesis 2:18 doesn’t just refer to a male human being. It also refers to humanity in general or mankind. We are designed to live in companionship with God and with other people.

Marriage is one way of experiencing the love, deep human connection and companionship we were designed for. It’s a unique way to experience those things, but not the only way. One of the ways I would love to see the Church grow is that we would place honor on singleness just as we do on marriage. That we would see them as different but equally beautiful seasons of life, not ones that are in competition with one another.

It’s okay to be single and desire marriage and a family. It’s okay to acknowledge the challenges that come with waiting for that desire to be fulfilled right alongside the things there are to enjoy about singleness. We shouldn’t shame fellow believers who are single and desire marriage but rather support and encourage them.

At the same time, though, it’s okay to be single and be content with your single season for now or to prefer not to marry at all. We need to encourage and support those people too. (…aaaannnd maybe not pressure them about their love life either… 😉 )

There is so much of life to be celebrated, cherished, and lived–spiritually and otherwise–in both singleness and marriage. How amazing is it that we get to rejoice in the beauty of both?!Click To Tweet

I don’t want to view singleness as a waiting room, as something I’m trapped in until my real life begins. My heart is to view singleness in my life and the lives of others as a meaningful chapter of life (possibly a lifelong calling for some) to be enjoyed and engaged. Your life is not on hold until you are married and have kids. Your life is valuable and in full-swing now and it will continue to be as you step into those next stages of life.

I’m concerned that the way we think and talk about singleness in the Church sometimes encourages people to feel shame about it, or to rush past it and miss the beauty of the season.

For some, singleness will be lifelong either by preference or God’s calling or that’s just how their life will pan out. And we don’t want to devalue their life situations just because they may be different from others.

You can find people in the Bible and in your real life, both single and married, who live fulfilling lives, walk in their ministry assignments from God, flourish in their God-given gifts and passions, build deep relationships in Christian community, serve others and grow in deep friendship with God.

There is so much of life to be celebrated, cherished, and lived–spiritually and otherwise–in both singleness and marriage. How amazing is it that we get to rejoice in the beauty of both?!

Myth #2: You are promised a spouse.

God designed marriage as a means of companionship, partnership, and the potential of procreation. It’s a beautiful and integral expression of His work in humanity and His goodness enriching our lives, though not the only expression of it. (Genesis 2:24) God even uses marriage to paint a picture of the union between Jesus and the Church. (Ephesians 5:31-32)

But God doesn’t guarantee in Scripture that every person will find a spouse. (1 Corinthians 7) The vast majority of people will get married, but there will be those that don’t for a variety of reasons.

For some, they may desire marriage and family but their life may not unfold that way. We get to walk with them, having sensitivity in our hearts to the emotional pain and practical challenges that can arise when their desire is different than their experience. We get to love them well, honor them and include them in our lives–not only as individual, nuclear families, but also as brothers and sisters in the broader family of God.

This is how we should treat all unmarried people, by the way. In the body of Christ, no one should ever be without a family, regardless of what their natural family situation looks like. Jesus makes us spiritual family and calls us to intentionally treat each other as such. (More on that in Acts 2 / Ephesians 4 / Philippians 2 / Colossians 3 and the book Befriend by Scott Sauls)

Another point to consider is that the Bible doesn’t teach that God necessarily has a predetermined person for each of us to marry. Just because God may not have a preordained person for us to marry doesn’t mean He is hands off in our process of finding a spouse, however.

God cares deeply about us and is super involved in our lives and He will be as you and I pursue relationships as well, but ultimately who we marry is our decision to be made in partnership with God.Click To Tweet

God knows if and whom we will marry. It’s possible that God could give us clear instruction on which person to marry, although that’s probably more so the exception than the rule. God can give us wisdom and peace. He can open our eyes when we’re hindered from seeing that it’s okay to move forward with a relationship or hindered from seeing that it’s a good idea to walk away. He can surround us with godly counsel to help us discern the dating process. I believe He can even be involved in bringing people into our lives.

There’s not a formula to finding a spouse. Every person’s journey and story are different and God’s work in each person’s life is unique to them. You and I can trust God to lead us in the best pathway for our lives and to fill our lives with good things, whatever He may have in store for us. (Psalm 32:8)

***Head here to read Part 2

Resources: Here are few resources I have learned from. They talk about all things singleness, dating, marriage, sexual purity etc. from a practical, balanced and biblical perspective.

Becoming Disciples Podcast – Episode: Where Conservatives Go Wrong
True Love Dates blog, podcast and book by Debra Fileta
Sex, Jesus and the Conversations the Church Forgot by Mo Isom
Where Do We Go From Here podcast

Let’s Talk: Are there things you believed about how to approach relationships as a Christian that you realized weren’t based in Scripture upon your own study? Discuss this post in the comments below.

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